Here are my personal ‘Top 10 Gifts’ from my Awesome Kid for #AutisticPride 😀
Often as parents we get caught up in the comparison game.
We start noticing things we have less of since we had children from our waistline to our bottom line!
We compare the before and after of our lives without kids, or with only one kid, or being single, or whatever it is we feel has slipped through our fingers forever -never so appreciated as it would be now lolol
Then, we compare ourselves to other people!
Well, what an exhausting and pointless game we are all playing there.
Yes things change.
Life can’t stand still even if we wanted it to and why would we?!
Let’s notice together all the wonderful things we have more of now – knowing there is no race here and nothing to prove.
This is simply for the joy of appreciation.
As a parent to a child with PDA I feel I’ve received some particularly awesome gifts myself.
Trade your expectations for appreciation & your whole world changes in an instant!
As the world is celebrating #AutisticPride this June 18th 2018 I wanted to take the chance to share my personal Top 10 Gifts!
By gifts I don’t mean mugs & keychains.
I mean the amazing and intangible things I have abundantly more of now than ever before – since my Awesome Autistic Angel came into my life.
I’d love to hear yours too.
I share Emotional FREEDOM Techniques (EFT) with parents.
Discovering this amazingly simple but effective ‘tapping’ technique many years ago helped me let go of so many thoughts & beliefs I’d carried around that, without even knowing it, had stopped me living the life I really wanted for myself.
Becoming a Mum moved me to want more freedom in life than I’d ever conceived of before because I wanted it so much more for my child and all children than I’d ever wanted it before for anyone, including myself.
Having a child who is wired in their neurology to resist demands really highlights the million ways we are all just expected to dance to another’s drum as we grow up.
Just being on this journey has helped me set myself free from so many ‘demands’ in my own life especially the self imposed ones.
A cry for help I hear from so many parents in our tribe is for some practical help, for a break, for other people to hand the baton to at times.
This is so valid and important to hear. We need family. We need friends. We need so much more support!
But the way society wants to ‘support’ parents is built on a falsehood as strong as foundations made on kinetic sand.
Our sweet children are not objects.
They can’t just be slotted in to places or with any people to suit the world who want to ‘help’ through lip service.
Children need to feel safe and this takes real connection.
Connection takes commitment. It takes time.
If you really want to help a parent with a child on the spectrum you need to be willing to spend consistent time building and maintaining a trusted relationship.
You can’t cheat on this and expect them to fit in to the situation just because that’s ‘how it’s done’
We learn just how base line essential real relationships are.
Relationships built on time, trust, attachment.
Connection is something to be treasured and nurtured.
Being able to have this depth of connection with my child is treasure beyond measure for me and has had wonderful ripple effect into my other relationships.
When we hold space for a child we first have to know the experience of space within ourselves. We have to be willing to be present in a moment and let go of outcomes.
This is one of the greatest spiritual teachings!
My next blog post is about ‘holding space’ so be ready for more on this soon.
If you haven’t yet foxund some flexibility in your parenting life and you have a child with a Demand Avoidant Profile, then I would imagine you are having a really hard time of it right now!
I thought I was a pretty flexible person.
In fact I’d still say that’s true but there are times I’m taken into those dusty corners of my life closet and am pushed to take a good look around.
I do this with great self compassion and I urge you to do the same.
When I find myself especially inflexible around something in particular I find it’s always an invitation to heal, grow, and find a deeper sense of security in who I am underneath that making that change.
We have so much fun.
The kind of fun only a child or an animal can bring to you really because they are so free and creative and present in the moment.
Maybe it’s not the adventures I’d imagined we’d have as a family but they are glorious.
The biggest adventure of all – this life- is suddenly full of colour for me.
When we seek trust from a child who needs deep connection and a real sense of safety we start to learn what people – what we really need as people to trust.
We’ve mostly be told who to trust and with what all our lives.
Trust comes from the gut, not the mind.
I feel like I live with a finely tuned emotional barometer.
When I’m not fully aligned and in my truth the alarm goes off fast!
Trust comes through honesty.
Honesty with yourself first and foremost.
It’s not always comfortable for me but I’ve found courage to be more real with other people every day.
It’s hard to find language to talk about spiritual connection without stepping on the toes of someone else’s belief system.
For me I feel a deeper sense of who I am and a purpose to my life that goes beyond myself.
Through having a child I can make sense of how people can be separate and yet also be one.
I have opened up my heart and received more joy and presence than I’ve ever known.
These are indeed prescious gifts.
There are lots of things that really don’t matter in life. Sometimes I still hold on to them but I’ve learnt to let a lot more things go.
Honestly the things I used to make matter can seem pretty daft to me now. There are still plenty of things I make matter that don’t really but I’ve learnt a lot.
A child who is chronically inflexible pulls you to rise up and to let go of things that simple do not matter.
This isn’t some #AutismMom thing.
I feel honoured and blessed beyond belief to be a Mum to my daughter.
Being a Mum has brought great focus and meaning to my life and I would choose it every time without exception.
I explore questions that matter to me, & desire to be the best version of me as I know my kid is watching.
I live each day with purpose and respect she has her own to shine.
I’ve learnt, although I don’t always manage the practice, that pushing against what is creates only more resistance.
Patience is not my greatest asset but I’ve learnt a whole lot more patience than I thought I could ever find within me.
It’s made me rather philosophical really and much less attached to outcomes.
That kind of living, which is so much more unconditional is really on the road to FREEDOM.