The automatic thought says

’This can’t be right!’


The ego says

‘I need to have that other,

that different thing in my life!’


The old belief says

‘I must make this happen!’


The cry for help says

‘I’ve reached my limit!’


The head says

‘You must!

You have to!

You can’t live with this!

You can’t be seen to say, or do that!’


The fear says

’ You need the protection of others which depends on pleasing them!’

Pathological Demand Avoidance

PDA Parenting



the movement I truly want,

the relief, the deep breath out,

comes from a very different space.


It comes from a heart space that I can’t connect with when I’m pushing against what is here, and now. 

The relief comes in with surrender, softness, acceptance, & connection. 

Yet, we all get triggered into old habits of thinking, and that’s OK!

We know deep down we are meant to feel good in life, and we’ve learned to attach a whole load of conditions to making that possible. 

When those conditions feel threatened, it seems that feeling good is being stamped all over!


When we can choose to feel good, not based on external conditions, but in fact by making it an inside job…


I release my firm grip

I stop pushing

I see the miracle in the unknown

I become a ‘Satellite of love’ as Dear Lou Reed would sing to us. 

Pathological Demand Avoidance

PDA Parents

When we push and demand answers of ourselves, or of others, we cut off our intuition.

When we soften, and release the pressure valve we can listen to our instincts and notice the path which lights up for us. 


The path of peace

The path of ease

The path of clairty

The path of wholeness


“Connection is an undoing, not a doing”

Matt Kahn, Angel Academy