The intelligence inside you!

The true ‘miracle’ of healing comes from the inside not something or someone outside of you. 

Healing physical pain & illness, healing from trauma, healing from emotional pain, healing from burnout, healing from meltdown, healing from grief, addictions, despair…

Others can walk with us and deliberately, or unknowingly be of tremendous support to us, but true healing and growth as a parent is an inside out job. 

The intelligence to heal & grow is inside us, ALL of us, & we can be open and receptive to allowing it anytime. 

This is true for our children. 

This is true for us. 

To exist in a state we call ‘open,’ our nervous system must be soothed enough to allow the state of playfulness & curiosity that leads us into vision, expansion, & growth. 

Whilst writing this blog I was taken back to my training in Counselling & Supervision and particularly with Parent Support Workers in schools.

It’s more than a decade since I came by this graphic of the Anxiety/Anger Mountain and I still reference it often.

What struck me then was the amount of time it takes for recovery to occur.

Pathological Demand Avoidance
Anxiety / Anger Mountain

We were taught that following a child hitting an emotional ‘crisis point’ they will need on average a good 90 minutes to cool all the way down.

This training was for designed for understanding a general mainstream population of school children, & I can imagine for many of our children that may often be much longer. 

The question at the time that came up and still I hear all the time is HOW?

“How in a school/busy/family/environment can we allow 90 minutes to recover? We need to move them on, distract, redirect, and bring them back to what is happening!”

So, we move in, too fast, and interrupt their natural process and cause further escalations. It’s easy to understand how some of our children never really get a chance to truly get out of this cycle unless they withdraw and shut themselves away entirely. 

Do we truly allow ourselves to cool right down and allow our nervous systems to be at peace every day?

I wonder how often as parents of children with PDA we can get caught in a never ending loop of being triggered into a high alert state also.

Pathological Demand Avoidance
Adapted Anxiety / Anger Mountain

When our nervous system is triggered we tend to ask ourselves such limiting questions. 

When we focus on wellness and completeness we will auto-correct in any areas of our lives that have strayed off the path a little, so I invite you to put your attention on what is going well today – what you do well and what your child does well & nothing else – and see where it leads you. 

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