PDA Parent in a bind!

We want to protect our children, rightly so, from deficit thinking, from feeling they are a problem because to us they are perfect.  When we ask for support there seems to be a mindset that hears ‘Please change my child to make life easier’ and NO we just mean give us a hand! “Hey world...
  • My washing up needs doing and my child needs me to be with them all day so could you wash up?
  • My child needs some sensory toys to help them regulate them so could you help me pay for them?
  • My child can’t be safe in a car park but we need to go to the shop so could you drive us and drop us by the door or could you give us a disabled parking badge as they have an ‘invisible’ disability?
  • My child is really sick and needs to see a GP but is deeply anxious and unable to attend the surgery so could you please come to our home and come in calmly and gently to see them?
  • I need a shower and I need someone we know well to roleplay being a dog with my child for half an hour so they are comfortable for me to go. 
You know, actual real help that comes from kindness and understanding, and from relationship!
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The Break

“You need a break!” they say “I do” I say “You must be exhausted!” they say “I manage” I say “You should really take care of yourself” they say “I really do try” I say “Are you not willing to let any help in ? they say “I really am” I say!
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Free Support

When we finally draw that line, we are sometimes perceived as angry, defensive, closed off, not coping etc, and we need our friends who understand (or at least know how hard it can be) to hold us a little deeper and more tenderly as we rebirth ourselves - not tougher - but more real, more open hearted and more aligned with our truth than ever before.   #PDA #PathologicalDemandAvoidance
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