PDASociety

Pathological Demand Avoidance

Freedom for Parents of PDAers

It feels, doesn’t it, that in fact the very freedom I’m speaking to you of here is either at odds with your child’s need for autonomy and freedom OR your freedom is squashed and stifled in order for you to lovingly meet their needs as I know you so wish to. #PDA #PathologicalDemandAvoidance #Autism #Autistic
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Peace With PDA

The Peace Within

Together we are being aware and choosing our place in this world deliberately where we are celebrating ourselves for the sensitive beings we are. The light bringers, the change makers, the soothers, the advocates, the open hearted and loving! Lining ourselves up with all we truly are. As we embrace the contrast that shows up in our lives and celebrate how that helps us see so clearly what we DO want for us and for our children, we are laying down an important path ahead.  No one else can do this for us. This is our call to step up for our children, and for ourselves which is where all change truly happens.  #PDA #PathologicalDemandAvoidance
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Walking A Different Path

Trust me, we put waaay to much pressure on ourselves! We don’t need anymore Thank-You! We come across goldmines like Facebook groups with other PDA parents in, and ‘The PDA Society’ website and we start to realise we are not alone and there is no blame here! Phew! That’s a massive relief and we set about finding out all the best ways to finally give our child the best of support and we, as advised by the experts, make adjustments to their environment. We see massive changes and all seems to finally be coming together. We start to see the light shine through. #PDA #PathologicalDemandAvoidance
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10 Golden Opportutinties

Raising a child or young person with Pathological Demand Avoidance takes us on a B-I-G journey as a parent. Because it’s the less trodden path we can feel a bit lonely and afraid as we walk it, & that’s OK! Actually, it’s the most wonderful invitation to find where the strength and answers truly lie - Within us my friend.  The journey of any parent, undertaken consciously, will always highlight our shadows and invite us to grow.  “It’s no surprise we fail to tune into our children’s essence. How can we listen to them, when so many of us barely listen to ourselves? How can we feel their spirit and hear the beat of their heart if we can’t do this in our own life?” Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious Parent
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PDA Parent in a bind!

We want to protect our children, rightly so, from deficit thinking, from feeling they are a problem because to us they are perfect.  When we ask for support there seems to be a mindset that hears ‘Please change my child to make life easier’ and NO we just mean give us a hand! “Hey world...
  • My washing up needs doing and my child needs me to be with them all day so could you wash up?
  • My child needs some sensory toys to help them regulate them so could you help me pay for them?
  • My child can’t be safe in a car park but we need to go to the shop so could you drive us and drop us by the door or could you give us a disabled parking badge as they have an ‘invisible’ disability?
  • My child is really sick and needs to see a GP but is deeply anxious and unable to attend the surgery so could you please come to our home and come in calmly and gently to see them?
  • I need a shower and I need someone we know well to roleplay being a dog with my child for half an hour so they are comfortable for me to go. 
You know, actual real help that comes from kindness and understanding, and from relationship!
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The Undoing

However, the movement we truly want, the relief, the deep breath out, comes from a very different space. It comes from a heart space that we can’t connect with when we are pushing against what is here and now.  The relief comes in with surrender, softness, acceptance, & connection. 
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PDA Society

The Responsible Parent

I see you We see you You are doing a wonderful wonderful job Asking questions matters! Connection & Compassion matter! Autonomy matters! Your wisdom matters! If today you are feeling wobbly I would like to hold your hand and reassure you that although you don’t have all the answers that no one else does either so sing your expertise with confidence and remember to smile and enjoy the ride.
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The Break

“You need a break!” they say “I do” I say “You must be exhausted!” they say “I manage” I say “You should really take care of yourself” they say “I really do try” I say “Are you not willing to let any help in ? they say “I really am” I say!
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Free Support

When we finally draw that line, we are sometimes perceived as angry, defensive, closed off, not coping etc, and we need our friends who understand (or at least know how hard it can be) to hold us a little deeper and more tenderly as we rebirth ourselves - not tougher - but more real, more open hearted and more aligned with our truth than ever before.   #PDA #PathologicalDemandAvoidance
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