Autistic

Pathological Demand Avoidance

The Intelligence Inside You

The Intelligence to heal & grow is inside us, ALL of us, & we can be open and receptive to allowing it anytime. 

This is true for our children. 

This is true for us. 

To exist in a state we call ‘open’, our nervous system must be soothed enough to allow the state of playfulness & curiosity that leads us into vision, expansion, & growth. 

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Post Traumatic Growth

There may have been significant trauma with the PDAer or other family members  - bullying, self harm, families torn apart, financial strain, illness & pain, depression...

Maybe you are reading this feeling you are still in or have been through trauma - as a parent, as a family, or more generally because of your connection to someone with PDA.

Even ‘smaller’ feelings of hurt, anger & fear can keep us stuck in patterns that keep us apart from all that we really are and in continuous fight, fight, freeze, or fawn mode.

That’s OK!

With all the love and wishing in the world we can’t undo what we chose when we didn’t know better.

I speak to many parents who feel stuck in their anxiety, in their grief, in their sadness, in their anger, in their overwhelm, in their hopelessness.

Owning up to experiencing trauma through your parenting experience so far is no reflection on your child, nor your feelings towards them, anymore than birth trauma is a reflection on a new mother’s baby!

The ripple effects of a PDA child living in anxiety & distress because of being misunderstood and unsupported are enormous for the whole family.

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Have The Bath!

You know the conditioned  ‘Mum brain’ that tells you there is laundry to fold, there are calls to make, food to prep, birthday presents to wrap, online shopping to do, blogs to write ;) etc...?

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Keeping Parenting Simple

Much more so than MAKING it simple, could we choose to ALLOW it be simple?

Or, at least simpler & easier one moment at a time?

The thoughts we think, the beliefs we hold, what we take in from others (books, professionals, family) & even how we’ve experienced things the last year, or the last week ALL shape the experience we are having with parenting our children today

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PDA

Take Away

Find Peace With PDA’s Public FB Page here: https://www.facebook.com/PeaceWithPDA/ Find Peace With PDA’s Closed FB Group here (for parents): https://www.facebook.com/groups/PDAParentsEFT/?ref=share Join the Free ‘Tap In’ FB Challenge and learn EFT here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2103488973207394/?ref=share
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Walking A Different Path

Trust me, we put waaay to much pressure on ourselves! We don’t need anymore Thank-You! We come across goldmines like Facebook groups with other PDA parents in, and ‘The PDA Society’ website and we start to realise we are not alone and there is no blame here! Phew! That’s a massive relief and we set about finding out all the best ways to finally give our child the best of support and we, as advised by the experts, make adjustments to their environment. We see massive changes and all seems to finally be coming together. We start to see the light shine through. #PDA #PathologicalDemandAvoidance
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Pathological Demand Avoidance

Where is the heart?

It’s plain to see as a parent we just need someone to listen to us and our children, to take some time, and to work with us to bring some relief. However we don’t fit the ‘system’ and on time goes with the same... ‘You must come to us’ ‘You must fit our schedule’ ‘Your child must do as we say’ ...approach, until everyone is too tired and in too much pain to know where to turn next.  As a society how has it come to such a lack of personal connection and compassion within the system we all call ‘care’?
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10 Golden Opportutinties

Raising a child or young person with Pathological Demand Avoidance takes us on a B-I-G journey as a parent. Because it’s the less trodden path we can feel a bit lonely and afraid as we walk it, & that’s OK! Actually, it’s the most wonderful invitation to find where the strength and answers truly lie - Within us my friend.  The journey of any parent, undertaken consciously, will always highlight our shadows and invite us to grow.  “It’s no surprise we fail to tune into our children’s essence. How can we listen to them, when so many of us barely listen to ourselves? How can we feel their spirit and hear the beat of their heart if we can’t do this in our own life?” Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious Parent
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PDA Parent in a bind!

We want to protect our children, rightly so, from deficit thinking, from feeling they are a problem because to us they are perfect.  When we ask for support there seems to be a mindset that hears ‘Please change my child to make life easier’ and NO we just mean give us a hand! “Hey world...
  • My washing up needs doing and my child needs me to be with them all day so could you wash up?
  • My child needs some sensory toys to help them regulate them so could you help me pay for them?
  • My child can’t be safe in a car park but we need to go to the shop so could you drive us and drop us by the door or could you give us a disabled parking badge as they have an ‘invisible’ disability?
  • My child is really sick and needs to see a GP but is deeply anxious and unable to attend the surgery so could you please come to our home and come in calmly and gently to see them?
  • I need a shower and I need someone we know well to roleplay being a dog with my child for half an hour so they are comfortable for me to go. 
You know, actual real help that comes from kindness and understanding, and from relationship!
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The Undoing

However, the movement we truly want, the relief, the deep breath out, comes from a very different space. It comes from a heart space that we can’t connect with when we are pushing against what is here and now.  The relief comes in with surrender, softness, acceptance, & connection. 
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PDA Society

The Responsible Parent

I see you We see you You are doing a wonderful wonderful job Asking questions matters! Connection & Compassion matter! Autonomy matters! Your wisdom matters! If today you are feeling wobbly I would like to hold your hand and reassure you that although you don’t have all the answers that no one else does either so sing your expertise with confidence and remember to smile and enjoy the ride.
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The Break

“You need a break!” they say “I do” I say “You must be exhausted!” they say “I manage” I say “You should really take care of yourself” they say “I really do try” I say “Are you not willing to let any help in ? they say “I really am” I say!
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Free Support

When we finally draw that line, we are sometimes perceived as angry, defensive, closed off, not coping etc, and we need our friends who understand (or at least know how hard it can be) to hold us a little deeper and more tenderly as we rebirth ourselves - not tougher - but more real, more open hearted and more aligned with our truth than ever before.   #PDA #PathologicalDemandAvoidance
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BEing the parent I AM

I’m not flaky, disorganised, or inconsistent although I can appear that way to some because of the extreme flexibility I’ve chosen to give my child from my generous heart...as I see you doing also. I’m not over sensitive or fussy because I’m tuned into someone who depends on my emotional barometer to support them...as I see you doing also.
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PDA Parents

Meditation for PDA Parents

Before I turn you right off saying I’m going to talk about meditation can I please remind you I want only to help you tune into your own power, knowing, and well-being as a parent AND as a parent to a child with PDA myself I’m all about practical and easy to pick up ways to get there!
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Love PDA ‘Converstaions That Count!’

I pray for the day when PDA can be seen. When parents are not judged but supported and celebrated. Where we can say PDA and not have to explain what it is. Where humans can adapt to the needs of PDA people, that they just recognize, accept and know that we are all unique but we are also all from the same. For peace.
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