Keeping Parenting Simple!
Much more so than MAKING it simple, could we choose to ALLOW it be simple?
Or, at least simpler & easier one moment at a time?
The thoughts we think, the beliefs we hold, what we take in from others (books, professionals, family) & even how we’ve experienced things the last year, or the last week ALL shape the experience we are having with parenting our children today.
I assure you I have my times (far too often) of saying either out loud, or to myself
“This is really hard”
Now what parent doesn’t have those moments?!
No criticism intended – far from it!
This blog is not about encouraging ‘Spiritual Bypassing’ ie pretending we are not feeling bad or struggling, and skipping over the feeling to a cute positive affirmation written on a meme which is how we think we should be.
That just causes us to get all backed up with denied and repressed emotions that pop up in new ways all over the place.
Emotions, after all are such a valuable feedback system for us.
We are meant to feel emotions, & emotions are energy that’s meant to move through us
Energy or emotions (e-motions = ‘energy in motion’) just like our food, or our breath, are designed to keep on moving through and then out again making a space for the next. If we hold on to them and get all backed up it causes us to be sluggish and stuck.
If you are getting feedback from your emotions then YES feel them! Totally! Without apology! Make friends with them – and then ask yourself does this feel good?
Do I want to choose more of this?
It’s these simple questions that we don’t ask often enough because we forget the choice we have over our own thoughts, beliefs, habits, & values.
If something is not working out for our best don’t we want to get curious how to stop running that pattern of thinking or action that lead us there?
EFT Tapping can help us release those patterns and beliefs in a way it can sometimes be hard simply to ‘decide’ to do.
However, this idea I am sharing can be surprisingly unpopular.
It’s something I find those I work with can have massive resistance to.
The thing is –
In a society that values hard work and tells stories through the ages in books and movies of victory through struggle – the idea of worrying less, chilling out more, letting things be as they are, doing less, keeping it simple, allowing things to be good enough & OK as they are…
doesn’t wash so well as you might think.
Here are a few examples – I’ll own to many of these myself!
- I feel I want to justify myself. I feel awkward about being late, not being able to make a meet up with a friend – again, having a messy house, not having got in the shower, not having done the washing up or much work etc etc. An easy way to explain and justify is to tell the story ‘This parenting job I have with a PDAer is soooper hard!’ It brings immediate relief from the tension we feeling so there’s a pay off for sure.
- I don’t like to think people are seeing me as lazy, not caring, not bothered, not really really trying.
- I want to prove I’m needed as much as I am – doing what I’m doing. I know the value of my presence with my child and bringing all that I am with unconditional love. But, these are not very measurable values and when my partner is at work all day, or someone helps me with a job, or I need to explain to the DLA, a GP, or an OT etc that my child needs my presence and focus it’s easy to slip into the story of ‘This is hard! Poor me! Problem problem, struggle struggle’
I share these to show you I do it to sometimes- we are all human and this is not about perfection!
This is simply my invitation for us together to become conscious of the stories we tell, & get curious about whether they are working for us.
Are we really choosing to line up with our deepest values, owning our truth, and shining out our intrinsic value?
As I outlined in my examples above usually the conflict comes because immediately the ‘This is hard’ story can serve us. It can help us feel justified and less embarrassed by our perceived shortcomings.
However, on the other hand we may be holding ourselves apart from ease, and joy, and confidence, and valuing ourselves, and freedom from others opinions of us.
It’s a choice we get to make in each moment.
So Lindsay, what about for those of us in a desperate situation? You can’t tell me it’s not hard when this real crisis is happening in my family?…
I have nothing but love for you!
I appreciate the struggle some of our community find themselves in.
You can’t leap from where you are to ‘All is well and this is easy’.
Not going to happen!
But, you can use EFT Tapping to help you release some of the pain, stress, worry, sadness, anger etc little by little and allow yourself to hold thoughts that bring you a little relief today.
Maybe the best thought today is that there are people who care and want to help, maybe it’s that you’re able to hear your intuition, maybe it’s that’s you trust yourself and see no one could be doing better, maybe it’s that you appreciate how much love you are bringing –
And this can become the story you allow more and more.
If you are reading this and thinking “Well I get it but I can’t just skip to thinking that when it’s not how I feel”
That’s why affirmations don’t always work for us – because our conflicting belief or experience is too strong and causes a tension holding us in the place we are.
The trouble is we can feel guilty or ashamed about these totally natural conflicting thoughts and so we tend to bury them rather than allow them and release them
That’s how EFT Tapping can help you!
We can use EFT Tapping to release our conflicts and struggles and move more to the affirmation that we want to say unconditionally, but can’t hand on heart yet.
I don’t share this with you because I need you to change one bit, or because I think it will make you a better parent.
I am here to champion and uplift you.
I see you trying so hard and giving your all and frankly I think you deserve to give yourself a break, have more fun & happiness, and know truly how wonderful and valuable you are just for being you!
And, if you need a reason beyond that – isn’t that great modelling for our children?!