When you have an AWESOME child who is differently wired, neurologically speaking, like our PDA kiddos, they bring so many gifts into your life.
Many of those gifts are obvious and really fun in a ‘firework on the loose’ kind of way.
Some of those gifts however aren’t wrapped in pretty packaging, especially the gifts that are more about YOU on your parenting journey, than anything directly to do with your children.
When, through choices, or through life circumstances (like raising a child with Pathological Demand Avoidance) you find yourself doing ‘life’ very differently – let’s face it if you are reading this blog then I’m talking to you – then you set yourself a little bit more free every time.
Free sounds exciting doesn’t it? We all want that surely?!!
But, it’s exciting in the way giving birth is exciting – it turns your life upside down for some time, and may be painful and/or scary, but you find your strength and get something truly wonderful out of it although you also find you are rather more raw & dishevelled than yesterday and doubting everything you thought you knew.
Most people in most circumstances will choose the status quo.
Although freedom is our birthright, it’s not usually what we are born into in this life and we have some unpicking to do to rediscover it!
We have to take some big chances to make changes that count and start to prioritise what we feel is right over what others think of us.
That can hurt for both us, and for them, and it can be downright exhausting at times.
When we finally draw that line, we are sometimes perceived as angry, defensive, closed off, not coping etc, and we need our friends who understand (or at least know how hard it can be) to hold us a little deeper and more tenderly as we rebirth ourselves – not tougher – but more real, more open hearted and more aligned with our truth than ever before.
When you make choices from a point of conscious consideration, little by little you start to peel back the expectations and rules you grew up with – family, cultural, religious, educational, health, work alike and take a peek at whether or not that serves you and your family anymore.
You can’t predict the future and you can’t be sure of any outcomes, but by being willing to open both your heart and mind you can make choices that have meaning and feel good to YOU.
In case no one has ever told you this before, you ARE the expert on you!
But you will be challenged.
Even if you don’t mean to challenge anyone yourself and you are trying hard to quietly mind you own business you will be.
Suddenly, as you’re minding your own business getting on trying to live as happy life as possible you are questioned, put under the microscope, challenged and scrutinised just when you feel at your weakest and most vulnerable.
Maybe that’s because you actually asked for support, but what you meant was unconditional support, not THIS which a whole more load of pressure.
Because you don’t choose the norm you are expected to have all the reasons, research, & justifications to hand to justify every-time a conversation begins.
You are bombarded with questions from virtual strangers and close family alike as if an amazing little person isn’t there listening to every word, & you’re not trying to juggle their complex needs for your attention and total focus… then when you are silenced through respect for your child you are judged for your choices as if you probably made a rod for your own back.
Well you don’t have to justify, or explain.
That’s not how support sounds!
That’s not how we uplift a family if we see them struggling or in pain. Just as we do for our children we lean in and listen, we open our hearts and minds and offer unconditional love whether from afar, or by slowly building a trusted relationship and coming into their sacred inner circle.
This was me once, trying to keep my head down.
But you can’t!
You simply shine out like a bright beacon of truth and light even though you feel so small, or lost, or uncertain.
Your simple choice to stand in your own truth sends a ripple out in the collective consciousness that unnerves the status quo!
Woohoo go you!!!
That is a wonderful thing to birth into this world & I’m cheering you on every little step of the way.
I thank-you for all our childrens sake and celebrate you for your sake!
Thank-you for being one to build the bridge with me to a new way of being.
I know you don’t feel enough – sure enough, good enough, ready enough, rich enough, knowledgable enough, together enough, but you are ALWAYS enough and I see you!