It’s plain to see as a parent we just need someone to listen to us and our children, to take some time, and to work with us to bring some relief. However we don’t fit the ‘system’ and on time goes with the same... ‘You must come to us’ ‘You must fit our schedule’ ‘Your child must do as we say’ ...approach, until everyone is too tired and in too much pain to know where to turn next. As a society how has it come to such a lack of personal connection and compassion within the system we all call ‘care’?Read More
Raising a child or young person with Pathological Demand Avoidance takes us on a B-I-G journey as a parent. Because it’s the less trodden path we can feel a bit lonely and afraid as we walk it, & that’s OK! Actually, it’s the most wonderful invitation to find where the strength and answers truly lie - Within us my friend. The journey of any parent, undertaken consciously, will always highlight our shadows and invite us to grow. “It’s no surprise we fail to tune into our children’s essence. How can we listen to them, when so many of us barely listen to ourselves? How can we feel their spirit and hear the beat of their heart if we can’t do this in our own life?” Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious ParentRead More
We want to protect our children, rightly so, from deficit thinking, from feeling they are a problem because to us they are perfect. When we ask for support there seems to be a mindset that hears ‘Please change my child to make life easier’ and NO we just mean give us a hand! “Hey world...Read More
- My washing up needs doing and my child needs me to be with them all day so could you wash up?
- My child needs some sensory toys to help them regulate them so could you help me pay for them?
- My child can’t be safe in a car park but we need to go to the shop so could you drive us and drop us by the door or could you give us a disabled parking badge as they have an ‘invisible’ disability?
- My child is really sick and needs to see a GP but is deeply anxious and unable to attend the surgery so could you please come to our home and come in calmly and gently to see them?
- I need a shower and I need someone we know well to roleplay being a dog with my child for half an hour so they are comfortable for me to go.
However, the movement we truly want, the relief, the deep breath out, comes from a very different space. It comes from a heart space that we can’t connect with when we are pushing against what is here and now. The relief comes in with surrender, softness, acceptance, & connection.Read More
I see you We see you You are doing a wonderful wonderful job Asking questions matters! Connection & Compassion matter! Autonomy matters! Your wisdom matters! If today you are feeling wobbly I would like to hold your hand and reassure you that although you don’t have all the answers that no one else does either so sing your expertise with confidence and remember to smile and enjoy the ride.Read More
When we finally draw that line, we are sometimes perceived as angry, defensive, closed off, not coping etc, and we need our friends who understand (or at least know how hard it can be) to hold us a little deeper and more tenderly as we rebirth ourselves - not tougher - but more real, more open hearted and more aligned with our truth than ever before. #PDA #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceRead More