10 paths to a little less loneliness…
One topic I come by time and again on all the PDA forums and FB groups for parents of PDA children is the deep sense of loneliness and isolation felt by parents & carers in our community.
Loneliness can have a profound affect on our personal, mental, and physical health.
The loneliness of a parent who is the main carer of a child with social and communication challenges, a child with explosive or violent behaviour, or a child who needs to control their environment to an extreme extent, is not something easily solved through kind words or simple strategies!
Please don’t ever give a parent in this situation simplistic advice about the need to take time out for themselves.
They would if they could!
If you don’t live it, then please offer nothing other than love and underatanding!
That in itself will go a long way.
Loneliness, born out of these circumstances is a complex situation.
Loneliness can be a very real experience for us even when we are surrounded by people.
In fact, we can feel most alone when in a group of people, or with extended family as our natural instinct to socialise with the group is at odds with our child’s need for us to be fully present with them 1-1in order that they are able to navigate the social situation themselves.
We can feel deeply alone when our partners are right there with us yet won’t or can’t step in to help out, or join in. It may be we cannot touch kiss and hug, or sleep in the same bed as our partners at times and we may have to keep different hours. We may of course be parenting entirely alone as a single parent.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I have a few thoughts to share and I hope something serves you from one self aware parent to another.
The world of technology allows us to connect face to face with people at a variety of times and places. It’s real if you allow it to be and use it to connect not disconnect from the world.
Don’t feel you are difficult, or that you must apologise or over explain constantly.
Don’t take any nonsense!
No one is to blame here. You did not ‘bring this in yourself’ you are not pandering, nor are you creating the problem. If you want to be in my life please have my corner!
Have only friends that care enough to understand and bother – or they aren’t friends.
Mix with acquaintances and enjoy it for what it is, but don’t be someone you’re not and try too hard or you’ll be left feeling empty.
Be prepared to let go!
I share Emotional Freedom Techniques with parents.
Sometimes we need to accept things, face things have changed, and move on allowing space for the new – and EFT can really help with that!
There is a difference between being alone & feeling lonely and our thoughts about the situation influence how we feel.
“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with”
Dr W Dyer
Enjoy the focus!
When we have to think hard about how to keep something in our lives we find all that is not exactly right for us now will drop away as is meant to be.
Enjoy the new!
I have met the most wonderful people who are other parents on my community. The most self aware, generous, kind and wonderful souls! Realising you are not alone on your desire to expand into the parent you are consciously becoming is so enriching and provides a deep connection.
Enjoy your child!
I don’t mean imply it’s a replacement for friendship but do remember you are not alone when you are right there with your child in this moment. Open your heart to really connect with them and enjoy your connection getting out of your mind and thoughts of being alone.
Be the Change!
I felt instinctively there were lots of parents out there like me interested in consciously navigating a peaceful parenting journey and I wanted to find them. I wondered what I could offer them so I started a group to share my love of EFT and found so many more parents connecting with me than I could have dreamt of.
I get back 10x what I give out. What do you have to share and what imaginative ways do you have to do that?
Turn the pain
Find the deeper connection!
There is a beautiful calling into a deeper consciousness on this parenting path.
There is a space here for those questions of…
Who I am in the universe? and
Am I truly alone?
I won’t presume to try and answer these things for you, but I will highlight that I find a deep peace through my own exploration of these questions.
I’ve found an awakening and connection deeper than I’ve ever known through my desire to make sense of this life with my ausome child.
“Loneliness is a sign you are in deep need of yourself!”