Raising a child or young person with Pathological Demand Avoidance takes us on a B-I-G journey as a parent.
Because it’s the less trodden path we can feel a bit lonely and afraid as we walk it,
& that’s OK!
Actually, it’s the most wonderful invitation to find where the strength and answers truly lie –
Within us my friend.
The journey of any parent, undertaken consciously, will always highlight our shadows and invite us to grow.
“It’s no surprise we fail to tune into our children’s essence. How can we listen to them, when so many of us barely listen to ourselves? How can we feel their spirit and hear the beat of their heart if we can’t do this in our own life?”
Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious Parent
There are many potential opportunities for growth within a day.
We might call them growth opportunities, or we might call them triggers.
Either way it’s that stuff which shows up that we’ve not yet made our peace with, deep within, & that makes us feel all jangly – it’s those feelings which are calling us to release something and make space to become more, well, more ‘US’
Here I’m sharing 10 opportunities to grow that I’ve discovered comes up for most of us some time parenting the PDA way, probably many times…
How comfortable are you with with waiting? – With not knowing what will come next?
There’s a whole lot of expectation from others and from ourselves that us parents are in control of planning a day.
It can feel deeply uncomfortable to relax in a moment not pushing towards a goal when our society has trained us so differently.
2. Wasting time!
What comes up for you as you sit in the spaces between movement?
Does your mind run away with things you need to be doing but can’t, or a sense of sadness at the day ‘slipping away’ perhaps?
A sense of failure that you can’t create momentum?
What if you’ve booked something – an activity or a holiday and you are wondering if the money will be ‘wasted’?
Maybe it’s a new toy smashed in a meltdown, pulled apart in curiosity, or the gift that you were excited to give but then was all wrong!
The (learnt) feeling I am meant to be in charge here, and yet I can’t seem to do a thing about the stuckness.
Every attempt to move things forward pushes against what we want to achieve. How long can I let this ride for???
I’ve arranged to meet someone and I don’t know if we will make it.
Maybe they are waiting for us, again and we will be late or not come at all.
This one leads into…fear
6. Fear of rejection/abandonment!
If we can’t meet the rest of the world where it is we will be left out, left behind, pushed out the pack!
Sitting waiting and doing ‘nothing’ can look like rather lazy parenting.
We have no ability to control our own child nor what happens today. People have things to say about that! (Don’t listen)
It rises from within and sometimes spills over even though we know it won’t help and it hurts our relationship.
We are frustrated with ourselves, with the situation, with a person or people – mostly ourselves.
We can feel, sometimes, as though we are lost to our circumstances.
Our ego dies many deaths as we find new ways we are called to surrender to what is now and to bring our love and presence into that space.
We find many ways in which we want to pull away.
Through the stress of feeling ‘trapped’ (as most parents do in our society that doesn’t support or value parents) our brains makes us want to fight, flight, or freeze.
There are many fears we could share, but one which feels unbearable and yet is inevitable for all of us is that of our children’s suffering at some time.
For this I will leave you with a teacher with much more wisdom to bring than I, Eckhart Tole
Eckhart Tolle on Oprah (Worried Parents)
Love #PWPDA ?